Volleyball hysteria.

I learned very early in the Korean elementary school experience that volleyball is practically an institution within that community. Almost every elementary school I know of in Ulsan has a staff volleyball team, and they practice weekly. My school, Mipo Elementary, is no different. Well, I guess we are different after all. We really suck.

I absolutely remember staff volleyball in the elementary school I went to. If I'm not mistaken, every Thursday afternoon whatever stragglers still hanging around school could go and enjoy all of our "just out of their prime" teachers try their hand at a little competition. Volleyball is great because it's a)able to incorporate large numbers, b)more or less gender neutral, and c)still fun for an amateur player. Certainly the Great Falls Elementary staff games were a fun, carefree event, that everyone really enjoyed. This is not necessarily the case when the Mipo staff plays.

First of all, principals - all of whom are male - go apeshit about the ability of their school's volleyball team. A bad team means, to them, a weak and ineffectual school. This automatically casts a severe vibe across the court. Then Korean gender issues complicate the picture even further. (controversial statement*) More often than not, Korean men are the most macho-seeming, inherently non-macho dudes I've ever met. This plays itself out on the court like so: diminutive, rickety-jointed Korean men will totally dominate the balls sent to the female players, who could otherwise do an able job of sending the ball right back over the net.

For example, today the new male teacher and my vice-principle took 85% of all balls hit to our team. The women and I more or less just stood to the perimeter of our square. At one point a ball arced perfectly at a new, female teacher. She squared up for a nice bump, when one minute later the vice principle barreled into her for a sloppy attempt at a fist bump. Everyone collectively chuckled as he helped her up from the wet sand, not really knowing what else to do. It was a painful moment for all of us. And forget formation. A player in Korean elementary school volleyball retains his/her place if, and only if they are mildly capable. If not, like was the case with my side, then you basically posture while the macho quotient takes control.

That said, I think Mipo Elementary might be the overall worst Korean staff team I've seen. We've played in some tournaments and believe me we played some capable teams. The larger schools honestly must hire staff depending on their volleyball prowess. Mipo doesn't have the funding for that type of shoddy recruitment, but I believe money is the only thing standing in our way at this point. The good teams really are a sight to be seen. Young, virile men and women all playing in cohesion. Their formations solid; their plays crisp; their spikes mighty. To them, we are like the bad news bears, but without danger and a happy ending.

But who knows. Perhaps with a little more practice and winning lottery ticker... maybe we could win a match.