Addendum

My friend just put me in my place in a big way. Just like any spoiled child, I hate being put in my place. So I want to clarify a few things about my post below. Let me be clear: I am not in any way above fast food. I don't think I eat fast food regularly, but I certainly wouldn't count it out if I had a burger on the brain. But, I am one of those Americans who is at peace with my American-ness. I like greasy food, I like beer, I like being loud, and I like being the center of attention. These are all American stereotypes that I - for better or worse - exemplify.

That said, I think it's unfortunate that the world seems to want our criminally unhealthy trash food. I wish that Korea didn't give me the opportunity to have McDonald's, because I'm not disciplined enough to keep it out of my hands. Furthermore, I would hate to see Koreans - a people whose food is delicious and quite healthy - blindly consume the greasy filth that most Americans, myself included, eat on a weekly basis.

Damn him for being right, and damn me for hitting up three American chain restaurants in a 4-day period. It weighs heavy on my... conscience.

The Colonel's Fortune

I read an article today that said KFC and McDonald's are two of the only major companies actually doing well in today's economy. Obviously this is no huge shock. They make comfort food, and it's a proven fact that grease makes people feel awesome. I know that's the case with me. It turns out that KFC is doing so well that it's opening 200-300 new restaurants. But here's the kicker, they're only opening new joints in the UK. Which brings me to the point of this post: KFC is absolutely, fucking huge everywhere in the world.

I've spent extended periods of time living in Cape Town, South Africa, and now South Korea. After the former experience I figured that maybe this KFC obsession was a South African thing. But Korea showed me that's not true, and now I can steadfastly assert that both Koreans and South Africans are all up in the Colonel's business. Now, in terms of culture, history, and almost every other social measure, Koreans and South Africans almost couldn't be more different. I have observed this, and now I have an article - as well as friends of mine who have been there - telling me that KFC is thriving in Europe. KFC is gross. What am I missing?

While I do enjoy fast food from time to time, I think its prevalence internationally is appalling. Americans make our name on eating big, being big, and generally living big in all ways. My feeling is we're known for bigness in the world, and most Americans have made peace with that image. It's an unfortunate reputation, but one most likely deserved. That said, I think it's a real crime to spread that type of gaudy largeness to other, more moderate parts of the world.

I feel 10x healthier now that I've been eating Korean food for the last 6 months. And yet every McDonalds that I see does a brisk business with young Koreans. These are teenagers who will no doubt spend the better part of their youth eating, and becoming comfortable with fast food; perhaps America's most disreputable export since the modern tobacco industry. Listen, I'm happy that thousands of Brits, Irish, and Scots will get new jobs behind KFC counters, but I'm really disheartened by the trend that's putting them there, even if it has been happening for decades.

I love the new and "improved" Joaquin Phoenix. I'm super pumped every time I see him, whereas before he was a passing thought. Real or fake, he's a serious hard ass.

America!

I had to miss the Super Bowl this year. A bar showed it very late, I had school the next day, and I knew who won by noon of that day. Unfortunately I made the grievous mistake of not watching the half time show until right now.

Bruce Springsteen is everything that's good about rock and roll. I got shivers just from watching a bootlegged version on youtube. All hail the boss!

Hey remember that... before the recession? Pt. 6 & 7

Using this computer felt like hopping in Marty McFly's DeLorean. Times were simple. Life was good. (for the record, the name of this file on my desktop came up as "ancientmac").

These shoes made 10 year old white boys feel like causing some mischief. But don't try to play flashlight tag in them, or your ass is OUT! Times were simple. Life was good.

It Doesn't Matter if You're Black or White...

Today my co-teacher told me that the father of a dear woman in the office died yesterday, and that she would not be in school for the next week. All schools in Korea provide seven days off for the death of a family member. I learned several fascinating things from this discussion.

1. In older times, the first-born son had to guard his parents' burial tomb FOR THREE YEARS after their death. He would set up a small cabin on the grounds and stand guard. Whoa.

2. There are a fair, and I would say equal, number of Christians and Buddhists in Korea today. Funerals are often moments of serious contention when they occur in families containing both religions. Now this would only be the case if a Buddhist and a Christian married, which happens often. My co-teacher told me that her family is this way. She said there was major upheaval in the family about the way in which her grandfather would be buried. To this day, she claims, the rift is still a source of major resentment.

3. All Korean women must wear white Hanbok to funerals. Hanbok are the "traditional" dress-like outfits worn by all Korean women to special events. I have seen them quite often outside of wedding halls, but I never considered how they might come into play for a funeral. They are also usually multi-colored, but apparently the funeral Hanbok must be all white. Thus, Korean women must buy a specific "funeral" Hanbok. In keeping with the true Korean way of things, men only have to wear a dark, Western-style suit.

Poignant Pencil Case part. II

I saw another pencil case today that stopped me in my tracks. It read...

"Love is not visible, but it's valuable. We all want some sweet love."

That's not even thought provoking; it's just disquieting. First you have this pseudo-interesting but totally obvious statement, which is then totally killed by this mention of "sweet love." Damn American/Western slang for killing the vibes from an innocent pencil case. Love is sweet. But... so is sweet love (queue the vibe-y keys and heavy bass line).

A dark day in music.

I've wasted considerable blog space on Ryan Adams. First, I detailed the steady flow of mediocrity he has produced since hopping on the wagon. Then, just below, I described how the singer, a high school football reject, named his band after that very team in the hope that he could finally feel a sense of belonging/acceptance. I think it's fair to surmise from these posts that Mr. Adams is a "complicated" person. I would even go as far as calling him a "difficult" person, and perhaps a "primadonna." Fine, but who really cares? At his best - which I believe was during periods of great sadness and chemical dependence - he exhibited amongst the best pure songwriting ability of anyone since, dare I say, Neil Young. I fear that those moments of brilliance have left us for a very long time.

Today it was announced that Ryan got engaged to Mandy Moore. That's right, Mandy "prudish, suburban lolita with a heart of bland" Moore. Here's a man who made his best work sad, and now he's sober and engaged. But he didn't just get engaged to any girl. Adams married a woman whose public persona is on par with Hillary Duff. Did Ryan Adams all of a sudden join Good Charlotte? Those dudes could be the ultimate new-school starfuckers. Did Adams ditch the Strokes' posse to join theirs?

This announcement comes on the heels of another shocking revelation several weeks back, in which the artist claimed that he was getting out of the business for the foreseeable future. Taken together, these developments make me believe that something critical has happened. There's a good chance that our man fell in love with a decent, sane woman who might treat him well and keep him off substances. I think that Ryan Adams might actually be happy. This undoubtedly means that we [his fans] must all say our goodbyes to the man we knew and loved. I used that past tense on purpose.

No sadness-swilling artist manages to convert their maudlin following to upbeat tunes about marriage, children, and bliss. Only artists who build their careers on such things, like Alan Jackson, can afford to do so into the future. Bob Dylan tried to go Christian and his following freaked out. Hell, even John Lennon made a public outcry for the old Dylan. Though, the Dylan example raises one hopeful point. Sadness-based artists can come back from periods of blandness and joy. History proves this fact.

Bob Dylan crept out of his Christian phase, had open heart surgery, came to grips with mortality, and released "Time Out of Mind," perhaps one of his most bleak albums. His fans cried out that finally he had returned to form. See, no real fan forgets why they fell in love with an artist. Dylan folks no doubt came about when the man wrote about injustice, politics, hypocrisy, and all the other rebellious things that make young people wet. He saw the light, but then he got dark again. I believe Adams will come back to us one day. Certainly I will never forget when he wrote lyrics like...

"I'm thinking what you said was true, I'm gonna die alone and sad..."

I will never not love sad Ryan Adams. But, I must remind myself that nobody can survive a life filled with despair. There was certainly a period when I really worried that we would lose Adams to depression and drugs. I mean, he looked like this not too long ago...



So I'll resign myself to a world without new Ryan Adams music. To all you fellow fans out there, I suggest you do the same. I would rather have him here, ripe with possibility, than dead. We all must take sollace in the fact that he gave us at least 4 great albums as a solo artist and with Whiskeytown. That's more than most people can say. Lastly, let's hope that one day, once he's got his ya ya's out, our troubled troubador will croak once more...

"Cause honey it's over now, it's harder now that it's over, now that the cuffs are off, and you're free..."

Ryan Adams syndrome.

Ryan Adams is one of my favorite artists of all time. He's also a diva who seems hell bent on whining and perpetually over-emoting. Moreover, he has admitted that it was one of his dreams to be accepted on to the football team in high school. His band, the Cardinals, are named after said team so that he may feel that, I suppose, he finally made the cut.

I know that I love this man's music, but I thought my high school sporting experiences - swimming and running - were fulfilling enough. That was until last night's dream. In this dream I found myself on the basketball court with all the old jocks from the Flint Hill school. It was me, Mike Christensen, Marlon, Colin, and the boys. We were at tryouts, and by some miracle of nature I managed to do a sweet job. I made the team.

Now I'm in bed at 8:17 am feeling like $1,000,000 because, for a number hours last night, my conscious convinced me that I was an athletic savior. I even remember getting home from this tryout and regaling my mom with stories about what it felt like to make the team; how sad. Perhaps I didn't actually accomplish what I really wanted to back in high school. Perhaps I have some Adam-sian longing as well. Very strange.

The dilemma as it stands.

This week is a big one for us native teachers in Ulsan. The Ministry of Education served us all with contract renewals, and they basically want us to make that call asap.

These are the two scenarios I see in front of me. One; stay here, wait out the disastrous American economy, keep living the good life, and assume that things will be a "bit" better in 2010. Two; leave, realize that the economy will be shitty for a decade, go home to a decent amount of forced unemployment, but, get a year head start on a career in contrast to option 1.

I don't technically have to decide until July 31, but right now I'm leaning towards option 2. What would you do world? Remember, I was here when the bottom fell out. I don't actually know how bad it is. The world is my oyster... right?

Raw Idiot

Last week I joined an online blog/social network called Twitter which allows you to post 140 characters or less about what you're doing/thinking/eating/etc... What sets Twitter apart from other similar sites is that celebrities have embraced it. I suppose it allows them to be appropriately vague, while indulging both their fans and their narcissism at the same time. I'm a part of it all so I can't really criticize. In fact, I love following these people. While some of them - especially DipLo, ?uestlove, and Shaq - have great things to say, some expose themselves as bigger fools than I would have otherwise thought. Case in point: Brooke Hogan.

I discovered her "Tweets" today, and since I had nothing to do, I decided I would go a little further back in her history with the hope that I would discover something juicy. Sure enough I found a gem. One of her posts read as follows...

"What is the deal with this Israel/Palestine thing everyone is talking about?"

What the fuck! Listen, I get that she's wealthy, famous, and probably insulated from the daily trials of average Americans. I wouldn't even be surprised if she didn't know who Joe Biden was. However, I find this particular oversight completely outrageous. Not everyone needs to know the particulars, but come on! We should all at least know that there is a hostility in the region. Furthermore, we should all know basically why that hostility exists. That's something you could even explain to a 2nd grader. Here is how I would do that...

2nd Grader: Brad, why are those people on the news angry?
Me: Well, they both believe very different things.
2G: What do they believe?
Me: Not important. But, what you need to know is that some of them lived in one place, and then the other group moved there, and they are having trouble sharing.

I personally believe this would suffice as a bare bones explanation. But I could be wrong.

I wonder if Brooke Hogan could work this out? It's ok, after all she lives in Florida. We all know there aren't many Jews there.

Traditional Korean Tree Burning

It's 12:01 am Monday night/Tuesday morning as I write this, which means it's 10:01 am Monday morning in Yankeeville. I'm writing to tell all of you in the West that you're in store for a fantastic full moon tonight. It may not be there yet, but I've seen it, and it rocks.

This was no ordinary full moon in Korea. Apparently the first full moon of the lunar new year is a big deal here, so naturally they had to light shit on fire. In this case, the inferno came in the form of a large "tree" (which actually was a hollow, wooden pyramid covered in pine branches and adhesive). A large portion of my borough, or "gu", gathered on the beach to watch it razed and generally enjoy themselves. In true Korean fashion almost 95% of the men were piss drunk. Someone mentioned to me that this was important because drinking during this celebration allows one to accept compliments throughout the duration of the new year. Listen, I've lived in Africa, and still, if that's not the most archaic thing I've ever heard then I don't know what is. But hey, it sounds right to me.

And what do I know. America has no traditions of its own outside of eating birds, blowing things up in the summer, buying crap, and various other occasions that most likely only exist because they might have provided jobs during the new deal. What's wrong with a little fantasy to compliment your fire? It's unique and fun and... whatever. So here are some shots of the event. I suppose it was probably the coolest thing I've ever done on a non-holiday Monday night. Though, let's be honest, that's not really saying much.

Joe Simpson via Arcade Fire

Like so many other folks out there, I am an avid fan of Arcade Fire, and "Antichrist Television Blues" is perhaps my favorite tune of theirs'. I was listening to the song yesterday when I remembered reading somewhere about it being inspired by Joe Simpson - Jessica's svengali-like father/manager. So I pulled up the lyrics, and sure enough, I'm convinced the song is about him. What do you think world? Could these lyrics be the thoughts of a tormented father who traded his children's innocence for a life free of middle America's pitfalls? Am I off base?

I don't wanna work in a building downtown,
no I don't wanna work in a building downtown
I don't know what I'm gonna do,
'cause the planes keep crashing,
always two by two.
I don't wanna work in a building downtown,
No I don't wanna see when the planes hit the ground.

I don't wanna work in a building downtown,
I don't wanna work in a building downtown,
Parking their cars in the underground,
Their voices when they scream, they make no sound.
I wanna see the cities rust
and the trouble makers riding on the back of the bus

Dear God, I'm a good Christian man,
In your glory, I know you understand,
That you gotta work hard and you gotta get paid,
My girl's 13 but she don't act her age.
She can sing like a bird in a cage,
Oh Lord, if you could see her when she's up on that stage!

You know that I'm a God fearing man,
You know that I'm a God fearing man,
But I just gotta know if its part of your plan
To seat my daughters there by your right hand
I know that you'll do what is right, Lord.
For they are the lanterns, and you are the light.

Now I'm overcome,
By the light of day.
My lips are near but my heart is far away.
Tell me what to say,
I'll be your mouthpiece!

Into the light of a bridge that burns
As I drive from the city with the money that I earned.
Into the black of a starless sky,
I'm staring into nothing and I'm asking you why:
Lord, will you make her a star?
So the world can see who you really are.

Little girl, you're old enough to understand,
That you'll always be a stranger in a strange, strange land.
The men are gonna come while you're fast asleep,

so you better just stay close and hold on to me.
If my little mocking bird don't sing,
Then daddy won't buy her no diamond ring.

Dear God, would you send me a child?
Oh God, would you send me a child?
'Cause I wanna put it up on the TV screen,
so the world can see what your true word means.
Lord would you just send me a sign?
'Cause I just gotta know if I'm wasting my time!

Now I'm overcome,
By the light of day.
My lips are near but my heart is far away.
Now the war is won,
Howcome nothing tastes good?

You're such a sensitive child!
Oh, you're such a sensitive child!
I know you're tired but it's alright,
I just need you to sing for me tonight.
You're gonna have your day in the sun;
You know God loves the sensitive ones.

Oh! My little bird in a cage!
Oh! My little bird in a cage!
I need you to get up for me, up on that stage,
and show the men that you're old for your age.
Now ain't the time for fear,
But if you don't take it, it'll disappear.

Oh! My little mockingbird sing!
Oh! My little mockingbird sing!
I need you to get up on that stage for me, honey,
And show the men it's not about the money.

Wanna hold a mirror up to the world
So that they can see themselves inside my little girl.

Do you know where I was at your age?
Any idea where I was at your age?
I was working downtown for the minimum wage.
And I'm not gonna let you just throw it all away.
I'm through being cute, I'm through being nice,
Oh tell me, Lord, am I the Antichrist?!

Full Throttle Nicholson

Jack Nicholson as Buddusky in "The Last Detail"

I just watched this movie for the first time and completely lost it during this scene. Thankfully some other people feel the same way and posted this - albeit shoddy - clip on youtube. The man is a f***in icon.

Bon Iver + T. Pain = ?

Bon Iver's (pronounced bon eev-air) "For Emma, Forever Ago" was one of the great breakouts of last year. In fact, there's a good chance it was my favorite album of 2008 period. But how do you follow such a towering debut?

Enter "Blood Bank." This is perhaps the most satisfying EP I've heard in years. Every song is rock solid. Furthermore, "Woods," its last track, is a revelation pure and simple. You get no guitars, no keys, no drums... just voice... autotune voice no less! You will no doubt be taken aback at first, but it quickly becomes apparent that you're embarking on something very special. What starts as a solitary voice in wilds, finishes as a ethereal choir pulling you to a blustery canopy. It's powerful stuff. I hope you enjoy.

p.s. - Wear headphones.


Justin Vernon/Bon Iver

The Tokyo in my Mind

Last week I went to Tokyo and had a collective experience that I will never forget. I saw and did things that seared themselves into my being, and I'm thrilled about that. This is a city everyone should hope to see. You should be so lucky, and believe me, I remind myself of that every day. I've had several discussions about Tokyo subsequent to my return, and they've dredged up summations that I don't think I could have otherwise thought of. For example, in talking to my parents I realized that Tokyo is, in my opinion, at a point where the past, present, and future all meet in harmony. I think you will see this. To put bluntly, Tokyo is an orgasm of everything that is titillating to the senses, but not in the gawdy way that Vegas is. It's bright, it tastes great, it smells great (depending on where you are). It feels whole in every sense. Nothing is left out, and nothing is short changed (including the prices).

The blogosphere has put me in a tough spot right now. There's just no way I could do justice to my experience in a way that wouldn't bore you more than I already have. So... I'm going to give some snapshots of moments that really explode in my memory. Here we go...


Tsukiji Fish Market - She feeds 60% of Tokyo's 3,000 sushi shops alone. I saw things there I didn't believe were real, and I still don't. After an hour there you won't even be surprised by the sight of small men cutting apart frozen tuna with band saws. The tuna, by the way, are often heavier than the men handling them. The market is also lined with small sushi stalls at which you can actually eat fish that were in the water a day or two ago. It's a wet dream for a sushi nut.

Yodobashi Akiba in Akihabara - At Yodobashi, the largest electronics store in the world, you can find every piece of tech merch possible. Literally, they sell everything from binoculars to toy cars to ceiling lights, and in massive quantities. It would be impossible to convey its size, so this picture of its mouse collection will just have to do. Beyond Circuit City. Beyond Best Buy. Yodobashi.


Shibuya Crossing in Shibuya - Here you find the largest crosswalk in the world. Shibuya crossing is essentially Times square, but in a much smaller space, and with way more people. Though, despite the crush of people, it is hardly disorganized and never, in my opinion, too much. The crossing is just the center of an entire maze of streets filled with Tokyo's trademark neon, and with her youth culture as well. Japan's youth is incredibly vibrant, incredibly artistic, and generally way ahead of the game in many respects. I personally felt that everything I saw in Shibuya was just as exciting, if not more, than anything I've seen in New York city.

(photo: J.C.M)
The Food - Tokyo's food is exquisite. Yes, you will pay big for it, but the returns are mighty. Sushi lovers needn't look anywhere else. This is mecca. The fish melts in your mouth like warm butter, and that's not trite simile, that's the god's honest truth; ask anyone who's been there. You'll see what I'm talking about in any one of these nondescript conveyor belt joints. Sit there, order an Asahi, and wait until your catch(es) come rolling by at 8cm/second (the actual speed at which all sushi conveyor belts are supposed to move). You'll leave full and you'll want to do it again in an hour.

2010 - 2013 Coachella Reunion Predictions

Each year, the Coachella festival - the west coast's indie answer to hippie-tinged Bonnaroo - seems to bring about the reunion of another vaulted Indie/rock group. In the past they've wrangled Rage Against the Machine, Bauhaus, the Pixies, Jesus and the Mary Chain, Jane's Addiction, Iggy Pop and the Stooges, the Verve, Gang of Four, and several other influential acts.

This year will be no different, as My Bloody Valentine (who actually reunited in 2008) will grace the stage.

So who's next? Now is the time that I must throw my hat into this hotly contested issue. In no particular order, I think these four acts will get back together in Indio between 2010 and 2013.

Pavement
At the Drive In
Ride

and for some wishful thinking...


The Smiths.

Pencil Case

Pencil cases are huge amongst Korean elementary school students. They're so ubiquitous in the "cho dung hakio" that my book instructed me to teach "pencil case" as a vocab word in week one. I later discovered that most students learn of the pencil case as early as third grade. Regardless, they're everywhere and I've seen them in all shapes, sizes, and colors.

I've also noticed a curious trend in the pecil case pool of my students. Many of these kids have them emblazoned with english sayings that I simply can't believe they understand. It's not that they wouldn't understand the words alone, but rather that they wouldn't get the gravity. I really thought I had seen it all. Or should I say, I thought that nothing would make me elicit much more than a chuckle. Then today I saw something that genuinely made me think.

"It is impossible to love and be wise," read one 6th grade girl's pencil case. This captivated me for the better part of the afternoon. Moreover, that she had no idea her case was so reflective really heightened my ruminations. Immediately I thought of my favorite moment from Scorsese's epic Bob Dylan documentary "No Direction Home." In it, Joan Baez recalls a time in London where Dylan refused to bring her on stage to duet, as she had - giving him crucial exposure - earlier in his career. The camera cuts to a curmudgeonly Dylan who, asked about the situation, says, "Well, I suppose you can't be wise and in love, and I hope she sees the light on that some day."

Clearly you can be wise and in love. People do rational things everyday whilst in the throws of love. The point is, this job has set me up so that I have absolutely no idea what I will see on a given day. Who would have thought that a student's pencil case would drum up thoughts of classic Dylan and the mechanics of love?

My Least Cool Post Yet

- Ann and Jeff, thanks for keeping me happy and plump. I'm pretty sure you actually are "the best."

Love,
your son Bradford