May 28, 2009

Pugilistic Proclivities


I know that I've already detailed my students' love for violent physical contact, but I feel that I must update now that their tactics have changed. Yes, the hitting still goes down. However, I've realized that most of the intra-student hitting has been confined to girl on boy situations. Boys, for the most part, are not assaulting each other with the viciousness that they recieve from the girls. But, the boys are most definitely still hurting each other.

I've noticed a massive uptick in what I call 'pain games' amongst the dudes. Now I don't want to make it seem like these are a phenomenon unique to Korea. I absolutely played my fair share of bloody knuckles and indian rug burn when I was a little son-of-a-bitch. Little boys fuck around in the same way that small animals do. It's fun, sure, but there's a tangible proving ground element as well. All boys want to know who can hit the hardest, run the fastest, and take the most pain. It's part of growing up, though, it's somewhat disquieting that these tendencies really never leave most men. If anything, they just get watered down with maturity. I can't believe that they ever fully die.

Korean 'pain games' are pretty standard. The two most popular are 'the two finger stinger' and 'the third eye'- as I call them. In the 'stinger,' two opponents will square off in a wicked rock/paper/scissors match, and the loser must take bare a well-practiced two-finger slap to the bound underbelly of the forearm. 'The third eye,' which I consider to be much more unfortunate, is also based off a r/p/s match, only this time the loser must take a vicious finger flick (think paper football) to the forehead. For some reason that seems like the absolute opposite of pleasant. A finger slap I can take, but an unchecked flick to my face... fucking forget about it!

I can't emphasize enough how commonplace these games are on a daily basis. I bet I could look up from this screen right now and see at least two games going on. Yes! Literally, right now there are four games happening around me, including one mixed-gender game - a pretty progressive move on the part of the players. But like so many things in elementary school, I get the distinct sense that these games are all part of a fad. Like pogs and Tickle-me-Elmo, I'm sure these pain games will blow away in the next few weeks. Fads, like pain games themselves, are certainly not confined to one part of the globe.

Finally, I want to shed light on the one difference I've seen between Korean pain games and American pain games: the amount of tears shed. In Korean pain games, someone inevitably cries. This is concrete. Now, in America I feel that nagging parents would have nipped this all in the bud by saying, "Don't start this, because one of you will surely start crying!" But Korean parenting doesn't work that way. Many women here have told me that parents' views on fighting are much more laissez faire. In short, many parents believe that fighting is natural, and that basic rough-housing provides an opportunity for personal growth. And how does that ethos manifest itself? Korean kids are fighting/hitting/flicking each other ALL THE TIME. And, like I said, one boy in the group will always cry.

So it's gotten to the point where I no longer care about kids crying, and I don't know how I should feel about it. On one hand, I partially agree that kids should learn some conflict resolution skills by actually getting their hands dirty. Parents could never simulate the intense pressure of having to face down a peer without a safety net - which is something every child will have to do sooner or later. On the other hand, a kid crying is a kid who's very very unhappy. Isn't it my role as a teacher to keep my students as happy as possible? It's a very bizarre situation. But then again - as I keep reminding myself - I'm not in Kansas anymore.

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